Wired Shut

Freedom!

2010-10-06T09:03:00.000-07:00

I have not posted for several days. On Monday, I successfully had my arch bars removed. I took the whole day off from work to recover from my anesthesia-induced haze. Yesterday, I returned to work with the best intentions of posting an update, but work was so busy from said Monday out of the office, I didn't get a full lunch to update my blog.

With that all said, here is my update. I went into my oral surgeon's office bright and early on Monday morning for the removal. I was not scared or nervous. Strangely, I was not overly excited either. Things have been so close to normal for the past few weeks, I knew it would not be a drastic change.

I did stick with my earlier choice for general anesthesia for the removal. I do not have any desire to be shot up more than a few times with Novocaine, and I knew the wires would be painful to take out. My gums had grown over them and it would involve a fair amount of cutting into skin to take everything away. The arch bars were kept in place solely by wiring them around the base of a few of my teeth on the top and bottom of my gumline. It is a marvel to me how well they remained in place simply from a few wires.

After a few deep breaths of gas, I was asleep, and then awake again with a free mouth. I was groggy, bloody and sore, but I knew I was free! My surgeon advised me to apply a heat pack to my jawline and massage the muscles until the soreness dissipates. I have been doing those things in the evenings when I am home. I am tired from the anesthesia, of course. I know by now to anticipate that. I will take it very easy and go to bed early for a couple of weeks until the anesthesia feels like it is out of my system.

My gums are sore. They bleed when I floss, but I expect this to heal soon. Brushing my teeth and flossing is a gentle activity until then. I can chew, and my jaw does get sore with every bite. I am assured that this is normal and will improve as time goes on and those muscles are used more frequently. For now, I'm just taking it a day at a time, resting a lot, and refusing to be too hard on my body. Everything else will fall into place. I am continually taking full advantage of the array of delicious foods that the world has to offer. Last night, I ate buffalo chicken tenders! I just continue to think how good things are now that my life has gotten back to normal. Now, I can just focus on....living fully again. I am 100% okay with that!

A half-marathon? Definitely!

2010-10-03T16:21:00.000-07:00

Today was the day of the half-marathon. I finished the beautiful, 13.1 mile half-marathon that wound through a hilly part of downtown Atlanta. I was surprised to finish in 2 hours and 2 minutes - something that I did not expect since I have not trained adequately. I was lucky to have my running buddy and good friend Janelle by my side during most of the race. Below is a picture of us post-race. I am on the right - notice that I am not smiling huge because I am trying to hide my arch bars. At least by this time tomorrow they will be removed!

I only wish that I had began running sooner during my recovery to keep myself motivated and energetic. I love that when you run, you get as much as you give to better yourself. I also love that the hours and miles spent alone preparing do pay off on race day!

Life is just so good when you have things to focus on, plan for, and you are surrounded by supportive, positive people!

The final week!

2010-09-28T11:45:00.000-07:00

The timeline for recovering from a broken jaw is an odd thing. In the beginning, you're hit with nothing but bad news. You are told that your jaw is broken, you have to get your mouth wired shut, cannot eat food for weeks on end, the metal in your mouth is quite unattractive and makes it difficult to communicate.....in my experience at least, the first two thirds of the recovery are LONG and M.I.S.E.R.A.B.L.E. There is no way around it. All that you can do is wait, be easy on yourself, and remain as patient and good-humored as possible. You owe yourself those considerations during such a challenge.

The last third of my recovery, however, continues to be anti-climatic. Once the fixation wires were removed and I began wearing rubber bands, I found no limit to good foods to eat. A lot of meals can be dissolved in my mouth by just eating slowly and cutting into small pieces. It already feels so much like being back to how I was before the break. The rubber bands and the arch bars aren't too noticeable, and strangers don't look at me like I have two heads anymore when I speak. Coworkers continue to ask if I had everything removed already. It's nice, in a way, how quickly things return to normal. Don't get me wrong - I'd rather have simplicity and routine days than to have discomfort, hunger and misery. I just wanted to make a note of the observation in hopes that this is comforting to any readers going through a broken jaw wiring. Things improve quickly once the fixation is taken out. It is why I have posted fewer blog updates lately. Not much is new, but no news is good news!

I went to my checkup appointment yesterday. They took an x-ray of my jaw. My surgeon looked at how wide I can open my mouth, as well as how aligned my bite looks when I close my mouth. Everything looked great. Without a hitch, we scheduled my arch bar removal appointment for early next Monday! I am so excited, but things are already so great. I don't expect to feel different once the arch bars are removed.

I confirmed my decision to undergo general anesthesia when they remove the arch bars. My surgeon explained the options nicely. He stated that "we can do Novocaine and numb your mouth, but the arch bars take five to ten minutes to remove. More of your time will be spent getting enough shots of Novocaine to not feel those few minutes." General anesthesia, however, is both faster and less painful for both parties involved. I could only agree with his logic, thinking "Okay doc, if you put it that way!"

The half-marathon is coming up in five days. I have continued to live my life as normally as possible, and kept running in preparation for the big race. I have comfortably ran 12.6 miles nonstop (at close to my original pace goal, nonetheless!). Running feels better and better. My jaw muscles became less sore with every run that I have taken, whereas they used become tired from keeping my mouth closed while running. I am still going to take it easy on Sunday. My pace goal is a non-issue at this point. I don't want to push my luck by burning a lot of energy to get a good result time, running nonstop and full blast. It would most likely make my recovery from the anesthesia sluggishness all that much longer. Instead, I will be leisurely jogging the race and maybe walking a little more than just at the hydration stations. I am going to consider it a victory run - it took a lot of energy and focus to train for the half with a wired jaw. I am going to savor every minute and every mile on Sunday morning!

The plan for the next several days is this - enjoy my time for the next four days, run the half-marathon on Sunday but take it pretty easy, and then Monday morning's surgery will be here before I know it! That all sounds good to me.

Keep on keeping on...

2010-09-21T12:33:00.000-07:00

Things have been good since I switched to rubber bands - really good! I have eaten out at two restaurants. I have a new-found appreciation for foods, soft or not; every meal leaves me in awe over the flavor and feel of food in my mouth.

The rubber band mortality rate continues to rise. I have snapped two bands and accidentally flung another one onto the bathroom floor, at which point I refused to reuse that one. I am down to just one spare rubber band left, and will most likely swing by my oral surgeon for more supplies. It is only a matter of time that I brake my final back up band, and I might as well prepare for the inevitable.

I ran seven miles yesterday. I was surprised to notice how tired my jaw felt just holding it shut during the run. It is a little ironic; your muscles atrophy so much that it is difficult to open your mouth for quite some time. I had never thought about the opposite - that not having to do the work of holding one's mouth shut for a month makes it tiring to keep the jaw closed once the fixation is removed. I hope that part gets better before the half-marathon. I am in a time crunch and did not properly train for the half. I will be running a lot this week and a bit next week to be better prepared. I am hoping that the jaw soreness gets better before October 3rd.

My mouth is opening wider each day. I savor brushing my teeth and tongue in a way that could not be appreciated prior to my fracture. I am looking forward to the day I can get my teeth properly cleaned at the dentist. I noticed that my gums are growing over the arch bars. This is quite normal, but it makes it difficult to hook my rubber bands back on. I hope that is some incentive to my oral surgeon to take the arch bars off sooner rather than later. I also seem to have a symmetrical bite, which is not always to be expected when you are recovering from a broken jaw. I think it may have to do with my overbite. For once, my imperfect teeth have become something that I am grateful for rather than unhappy to have.

I realized that my arch bars may be removed the Friday before my half-marathon. That makes me a bit nervous that I may not be able to attend the race. I have decided to opt for anesthesia to have them removed. I know from experience that the last dose of anesthesia made me feel like an absolute, exhausted, slug. I don't think I will be able to sustain both that and running 13.1 miles all in the same weekend. Still though, there is nothing that I can do but wait to see what date my surgeon decides for on Monday. I have become more patient, and waiting will be the name of the game for just six more days before I have an updated timeline. Truthfully, if I have the choice between completing the half or removing the metal from my mouth, I am going to take the metal removal! There will be plenty of other halfs to enjoy later, when I can plan and train adequately once again.

I have been feasting on all good foods that are soft lately - cookies, cake, oatmeal, grits, eggs, pasta, fried rice, unstrained soups, my favorite chili recipe (just in time for football). Strangely enough, though, I've kept the protein powder and milk part of my daily routine. I still drink an Ensure each day as well as a dose of FRS for vitamins. They are healthy and tasty supplements, and I plan to take those parts of my wired shut routine with me as I resume running and kickboxing. I never was good about getting enough protein when I work out; I have to admit I am healthier in a way now than I ever was before the injury.

As far as weight gain, it looks like I've only gained back two and a half pounds. I am sure this will change soon! I am not eating up a storm like I was afraid I would, and the weight will probably come back when my body goes out of starvation mode. It is nice to feel good, strong, active and healthy again. It is almost like the arch bars and rubber bands are as freeing as I felt before having my jaw wired shut. My gratitude continues to soar as I enjoy simple basic freedoms once again.

Tonight I will enjoy dinner with my boyfriend's family for the first time that I can eat with them again - his mom's famous spaghetti! Life is so good!

Fixation wires are off, rubber bands are on!

2010-09-17T10:07:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a step in the right direction! I went back to the oral surgeon to have my fixation wires removed. This means that the wires keeping my mouth shut were taken off, but the metal arch bars wired around my gums and teeth were left on. The bars will remain in place for an estimated two to three more weeks. During this time, I will wear two rubber bands on either side of my mouth when I am not eating or brushing my teeth.

I am not allowed to chew anything, so I will be sticking to a soft-food diet. As I have been warned, I could not open my mouth very wide. I was able to open it maybe 1/3 of an inch. I am very happy, however; it was enough to brush the top and insides of my mouth. The rubber bands are a bit time-consuming to take off and place back on. It's almost easier to stick to liquid meals while I'm out in public for that reason alone.

I can't wait to get my teeth cleaned, and maybe whitened, once the arch bars are removed. I missed flossing and brushing so much last month! It was the first thing I did yesterday after eating a small order of McDonald's fries!

I tried to have fried rice last night for dinner - rice is tough to eat right now, but I had better luck with my fry splurge yesterday and my much-missed oatmeal this morning. I also made a beeline to Waffle House for lunch today, and thoroughly enjoyed the cheese eggs and grits that I have been craving nonstop for weeks!

I think I am lucky, compared to what I have heard, to be able to open my mouth as wide as I can. It is not painful, but there is sort of a stopping-point that I hit when I try to open it. That's okay, for now! The oral surgeon said that I should be back to a normal opening width by around the end of September. Until then, I am content eating my delicious soft foods and waiting.

I have found getting the rubber bands on and off to be the trickiest part of this change. They are hard to lace on the arch bars, and I've already lost two in the process of taking them on and off! I think it will get easier as I get used to the process.

This update is a bit anti-climatic after writing about the ordeals of the past four weeks, but I am extremely satisfied with the change. I will go back to my oral surgeon in ten days for them to assess when my arch bars can be removed once and for all!

Doing a happy dance!

2010-09-08T15:04:00.000-07:00

I just left my three-week checkup at the oral surgeon's office. I have to put today up there with the other happiest days of my life! My recovery is every bit on track for where it should be. Next Thursday, I have an appointment to have the wires removed and to have the rubber bands put into place!

I flat-out asked the surgeon about the two things I care most about - (1) Can I eat soft foods while wearing the rubber bands? and (2) So, uh, if I were to pick running back up, would that be okay.....??? Yes, we all know I've been running, but my doctor does not, and I wanted to keep it that way. ;-)

To answer the first question - yes, I can remove the bands to eat "as long as I'm smart about it." There is absolutely no chewing allowed, of course, during the time that I am banded. I have read several blogs that describe how painful it is to try to open one's mouth after the wires are removed - they talk about opening a few centimeters if they are lucky! It takes days if not weeks to even start to get back to normal. Still though, visions of soft-food diet bliss are floating through my head. I'm trying to keep myself from running out and buying baby forks and spoons right now in preparation for the big day. Even if I can just get a little bit of scrambled eggs and grits in there, I will be the happiest girl ever!

As far as running, I am officially fine to run. Yes, I plan to do the half-marathon come Hell or high water. The advice that my surgeon had was that I can even run now (ahem, okay great!) as long as it's more of an easy jog. His primary concern was tripping, and to always be aware of my footsteps. I did not tell him that this has already been my biggest worry for the past week and a half, too!

The only bad news was that I may have to wear the rubber bands for three weeks instead of the original two weeks, but I am just excited about the prospect of getting food on my tongue eventually. It is certainly the next step towards recovery, and I can't wait to take it!

Halfway there!

2010-09-07T06:39:00.000-07:00

Today is the three-week marker for being wired shut. I am finally starting to feel like myself again, and am getting my energy back to where it was before I was injured. I ran five miles yesterday, and it felt great. It could be just the accumulation of resting over the long Labor Day weekend, but I am happy to have some of my old energy. I have said that not being able to eat is nowhere near as frustrating as the lethargy that I could not seem to shake. My hope is that, should this good feeling continue, I will be able to pass the next three weeks without much new stress or frustration.

Tomorrow I go back for my three-week checkup, and next week at this time I should be switching my wires out for rubber bands. I will know more about what to expect once I speak to my oral surgeon again. I will be happy to change to rubber bands simply for the fact that it brings me one step closer to recovery.

I continue to get more brave, or perhaps desperate, in the food department. I made a chocolate peanut butter smoothie this weekend, and was delighted. It is the most rich, heavy and satisfying food that I have found up to date. High in calories and protein, this will be a staple for the weeks to come. I made this shake using about a tablespoon of creamy peanut butter, a cup of chocolate ice cream, and a cup of milk. The result was simply amazing! I also blended meatless spaghetti sauce with a bit of pasta last night. Where this would have repulsed me probably even two weeks ago, I found it to be delicious yesterday. The spaghetti can be thinned out with tomato juice without compromising the taste or texture too much.

I also wanted to mention that the FRS Healthy Energy powder is a nice boost for energy in the middle of my workday. I am using at least one powdered drink mix a day, both for the energy and the vitamins that it provides.

I will post another update once I can meet with my oral surgeon tomorrow for more information. Until then, take care.

A half-marathon? Maybe!

2010-09-02T16:16:00.000-07:00

Despite my best efforts, I still can not find anyone who wants to use my Atlanta 13.1 race number. If all goes as planned, I will have the rubber bands taken off the Tuesday before the half, leaving five days between then and the race. I started running a slow 5k distance each day this week, and am making up for the lost calories with an extra Ensure. Working out is feeling better and better every day. Subsequently, my demeanor has become more like it used to be, more joyful with each day that passes. Running has been my solace during many hardships over the past few years. Why should this time be an exception to what has always worked for me?

I decided something yesterday, even though it is a long shot. If, and only if, I can get my energy back enough that week to feel good, I will walk/jog the half. I am not going to do this if I don't feel energetic, or can't eat enough real food that week. I don't want to injure myself just to say that I did it. Likewise, I will not pursue this if the oral surgeon does not approve of the idea. I also understand that my recovery time may have to be extended, and that is out of my control. There are a lot of ifs for why this idea may not go too far. Still, even if I can't attend the race, it makes me think for the first time since being wired that I have only a month to prepare for something, instead of the heavy feeling of waiting out a bad experience for one more month. I would much rather use that as motivation to remain happy and to pass this time. Otherwise, this would feel like the longest four more weeks of my life! A good attitude can take you much further than a bad one in a time like this.

Tour de Milkshake continues...

2010-09-01T07:27:00.000-07:00

After such a frustrated post yesterday, I wanted to write about something a little more optimistic. Like I said, you have good days and you have bad days. I realized last night why I am so irritated. Usually, when things go badly in my life, I stay as busy as possible. I do enough happy, fun things to remain distracted, until things eventually balance out and I really am happy again. This is how I deal with hardships. Being wired shut is a tough situation. I do not have the extra energy to pursue fun things or to remain busy. I am forced to be patient and simply deal with the frustrations of how I feel right now. I do think on some level that I will be a better person for having gone through this. It will be impossible to not be a more patient, calm person by the end of this six weeks.

I saw a commercial last night for the first time. It was part of the "Take time to be a dad today" campaign. The camera shows a man blending pizza sauce and cheese, and you cringe to see the ingredients mixed into a homogeneous drink. Then, you see him pouring it into a glass in front of his son. The son smiles, revealing a set of new braces, and drinks his pizza shake. Even more touching, the father sips some of the remaining liquid from the blender in an act of support. It was funny how touched I felt by seeing this - no doubt my father would do the same thing if I was at home while going through this. I appreciated this commercial a lot. I also have a strong craving for pizza now, so that was the one downside. I am still trying to work up the courage to try a pizza shake.

I wanted to check back in on foods - I have jokingly named this time in my life the "tour de milkshake." Milkshakes and dairy are the best things to feel full and get enough protein that I have found so far.

I have hit some low points in my diet. After lots of advice to consider trying baby foods, I stood in the Publix baby food section last night for about five minutes, weight the pros and cons. I could not bring myself to do it yet, even though some of the fruit options sound good in theory. Babies just don't know how bad they have it, and I suspect that is why they are cranky most of the time.

Another low point came a couple of days ago. After taking Clairitin for weeks by pushing pills behind my back molar, I began to wonder about the feasibility of eating Steak n Shake fries. I tried to do this on Monday. Much to my surprise, I was able to lace them into the side of my mouth, behind my back tooth, and swallow them whole. I expected to feel satisfied, but I did not. I still felt hungry. Moreover, it took an hour to eat just a few fries. It was undignified looking, far more than eating through a straw. I do not recommend trying this - there are choking hazards from being unable to chew, and it is not worth the amount of food you get. I was also very sore that night and the next day from pushing against my jaw bone repeatedly. It was not such a good idea, but it made my co-workers laugh when I recounted the incident the next morning.

Last night, after being so drained from work, I looked in the supplement aisle and found a product called FRS Healthy Energy. It is a lot like Five-Hour Energy, but a powder form that you mix with water. The energy comes from a little caffeine, but mostly from Niacin, B12 and Quercetin. Most exciting, though, is that it provides all of your Vitamin C, E, Thiamin, Riboflavin, Niacin, B6 and B12 in one drink. It is one dosage a day, but safe to take two if you need the extra energy. I am very excited to try this at lunch to see if it helps me to feel better.

The routine that I have right now keeps me from feeling like I am starving, and seems to have cut off my weight loss finally. Here is a typical day of eating -
-have a glass of chocolate milk with 1/2 scoop of protein powder first thing in the morning
-grab coffee on the way to work - this is not a good time to drink low-calorie coffees, so I am getting lattes or mochas; I usually don't let myself have fatty drinks but this is a situation where I need more calories rather than to moderate my consumption
-drink two Ensures throughout the afternoon for more protein and vitamins
-lunch - if at home I make a smoothie with protein powder; if at work, I go out for a milkshake or smoothie - my teeth are becoming much less sensitive to cold temperatures, and they are satisfying; I usually opt for smoothies over milkshakes
-every day, I fill up a liter of water and make sure to drink it; I'd like to work my way back up to two liters of water, but for now I know I get the rest of my water from the other parts of my diet
-at night, I will try a new recipe from "Dinner Through a Straw," order a milkshake (high calories!), sip strained soups, or blend oatmeal or Ramen Noodles; this is when I feel the most hungry, so this is when I take the most time to focus on getting heavier meals.

It's a lot of work, and I'm very cognizant of what I need to do each hour to stay on top of my intake; if I slip behind on the routine, I feel much worse than when I stick with it. My health is worth the extra effort, and I am getting enough vitamins and calories this way. The only thing that I wish I could find more of are carbohydrates. I think, if I could find a solution to carbs, my energy would skyrocket compared to how I feel now. It is an ongoing process getting this right.

Two weeks today

2010-08-31T10:36:00.000-07:00

Today is the two-week mark for being wired shut. I would like to say that things have become easier, but they have not. You have good days, and you have bad days when you go through something like this. I am trying to remain happy, but feel cranky more days than not. I try not to take this out on other people, but it leaves me quiet and withdrawn much more than I would ever be if I felt healthy.

Yesterday was hard; I slept in too late on Sunday, and was wide-awake by Sunday night. I tossed and turned for hours, and finally fell asleep around 4:30 a.m. I felt like I was run over by a truck all day at work on Monday. It is much easier to have a good attitude when you have enough to drink and enough sleep each day. If you are hungry, or tired past the point of being lethargic, you simply will not deal well with having your jaw wired shut. Lethargy is a normal state of feeling for me now, I've given up on feeling energetic for the duration of this. On so many levels, I am not myself right now.

Last week, a colleague commented "I wouldn't mind having my jaw wired shut if I would lose weight." Many people have joked about this with me, but this girl was serious. In the most polite way possible, I explained that she has absolutely no idea what she is talking about. The conversation made me wish people would think a little more before they speak.

Since they have extended my treatment for those two additional weeks, I will not be able to go to Disney World with my boyfriend's family. We were planning to go at the end of September, but this will be the exact week (if all goes well) that I have my rubber bands and arch bars removed. I will be on a liquid diet during the days I planned to go, and will not have the energy to travel. I also have used up most of my vacation hours for time spent in surgery or in follow-up appointments. I am disappointed, and would much rather be able to spend those days in one of the happiest places on Earth.

I keep expecting for things to get better; surely they will. There have been many good things also. I have my family, boyfriend and friends' support. I only have four more weeks left. I am focusing on that as much as possible. My wires will be removed in two weeks and replaced by rubber bands; it is one step closer to freedom. I think that my weight loss has hit a plateau, and I have lost those expected ten pounds. I have new, smaller-sized clothes to get me through this month. I was not looking forward to losing weight and I am happy that it looks like that is stopping. I'm also very happy to be working from home on the last two days of this week. It is much easier to get enough to eat when I am at home rather than in the office, and it saves me a lot of effort when I don't have to speak and can communicate by e-mails only.

I know that things will be over in a month's time. I keep reminding myself that it is going to be over soon. I am trying to continue to take things easy, and to be patient. Taking naps are part of my new routine. I am focusing on taking care of myself, and hoping that it lends some happiness to this situation soon!

Working out

2010-08-29T15:22:00.000-07:00

I was training for a half-marathon before my jaw was broken, and I miss running and kickboxing. I went from working out four to six days a week to doing nothing active, but still have almost no extra energy by the end of each day. Despite my lethargy, I miss the joy that I used to get from my old sweat sessions.

I have done a few things this last week with mixed results. Thursday night, I went bowling with my boyfriend. We were meeting up with several of his friends to play. Much to my frustration, I was tired and ready for bed after four games. Friday, I went to the driving range to hit golf balls. The range was much more of a success; it was easy to focus and I was not exhausted by the end of playing. In fact, I felt good that evening. I think the range might be a great place to let off some steam for the duration of my fixation. If it means that I get enough practice to try my hand at a real golf game, I would be ecstatic. It is not likely (I have a long way to go), but a girl can dream!

My best discovery came about on Saturday. I finally got to the end of my rope with having no energy and not being active. I grabbed my iPod, and set out in a hilly neighborhood behind my apartment complex for a thirty minute walk. I had been given the all-okay from my surgeon to start working out again, and it was about time that I tested the waters. It felt great! I mostly slow-jogged, but mixed in some walking for half an hour. It was so nice to work up a sweat again. I felt re-energized, proud and happy. My pace is much slower than it was before the break. I do not want to do anything that will burn too many calories, but I can make up for 3 miles of distance by drinking an extra Ensure. I plan to walk/jog every other day so that I can resume running and kickboxing more easily as soon as I can eat again. As long as I'm not covering too many miles, I should feel better instead of worse for the effort.

Oh, endorphins, I have missed you so much! Reunions can be so very sweet.

Stop the presses - I have found edible foods!

2010-08-26T12:52:00.000-07:00

I was excited today at lunch to see that my copy of Dinner Through a Straw arrived in the mail. I have been waiting with bated breath to obtain my copy of this book. Author Patti Thigpen, a women who went through a jaw wiring several years ago, wrote this book containing her real-life recipes from that time. She managed to only lose a few pounds during her oral fixation, which is no small accomplishment in itself. These dishes are delicious sounding and vary in flavors. Almost every suggestion looks like something that I feel that I could eat. I am going to start by trying her Quiche Lorraine tonight in hopes of satisfying my dual cravings for cheese and eggs. Every recipe is something that can be prepared for an entire family, with the suggestion that one individual serving is blended into a liquid drink. This is great for me, because it will serve as a dual motivator - I can resume cooking meals for my boyfriend again, as well as take care of my own needs! Calories and nutritional rules of thumb are included.

I am just so happy. Very few of these dishes look unappetizing, and that is a rare feat for my picky eating habits, wired jaw or not. I cannot recommend it enough to those of you on a soft or liquid diet following my blog. A link to the book's website can be found to the right of my blog under "Websites of Note." I hope it helps you as much as I anticipate it will help me!

The first week

2010-08-24T13:13:00.000-07:00

I just came back from my first week follow-up appointment with the oral surgeon. I am going to start by getting the bad news out of the way. I am looking at five more weeks of recovery time and being shut rather than three like I originally thought. I am glad that I didn't get this news until today, because I was honestly too frazzled last week to take this in stride. It is only two additional weeks of being shut, at least. For the last two weeks, I will have my jaws held shut with rubber bands. This will give me a bit more range of movement, and could possibly mean that I can eat soft foods again rather than eating through a straw. I am going to refrain from getting my hopes too high that this will be the case, and keep my fingers crossed instead to be pleasantly surprised with the rubber bands.

I am choosing to look at this news as "I'm 1/6 of the way finished with the recovery!" rather than "oh no, I'm not 1/4 of the way finished being wired like I thought I was supposed to be." It is just fourteen more days, and I will be fine. I cannot look too much at the time spread out ahead of me, it is too daunting. Sometimes I find that you have to fight for your own happiness - often that fight is internal with your own attitude. If I look at this too negatively, I won't be happy during this time, which will only lend bad feelings to an otherwise wonderful life. Finding joy is work, but it is always worth the effort!

The surgeon also tightened my wires, which had worked themselves considerably loose over the past seven days. I blame laughing at too many "It's Always Sunny" episodes for the pulling of the wires. Also, involuntarily yawning seems to stretch them out more. It does not matter now, however, they are as tight as can be once again, and it actually feels better on the fracture to have them this way. The only tradeoff is that I cannot talk as clearly as I could when they worked themselves loose. I will stop gabbing so much, after seeing how I stretched them last week. I do not have a follow-up appointment next week, because my surgeon is taking a vacation and will be out of the office. I have to make this tension last as long as possible.

I ordered a book yesterday, called "Dinner Through a Straw." It was written by a doctor of audiology, who also went through a six-week jaw wiring period. She has filled this book with her best advice and recipes, and I cannot wait to try some of them out. A link to the book's website is on the right of my blog under "Websites of Note." I hope it is helpful, and will write more about this once I get hands on my copy. I also found a helpful website, the Jaw Surgery Cook Book, which contains a ten-page list of straw-diet meals. Calories are listed for the dishes, and it is free to print. That link can also be found on my website list. I was greatly excited to see that most of the recipes on this site look palatable, even to this self-described picky eater.

As I've said in earlier posts, I am not going to be eating enough to run during this time. I am trying to find a female Atlanta runner who would like to take my Atlanta 13.1 half-marathon race number, since I can't put it to good use. If you know of any runners who would be game for this, please let me know! I hope to give the gift of a free race to somebody who will enjoy it. I have decided to train for a full marathon once I can eat solid foods again. It gives me something to get really excited about down the road. I also got the go-ahead from my surgeon to begin walking each day, as much as I would like. I can't do any high-intensity workouts, but it will make me feel good to be doing something active for an hour or so a day once again.

There have been happy moments, too. I had a wonderful weekend seeing my boyfriend's parents on Friday, and my parents on Sunday. It was so great, as both sides are an important part of my life. Mom and dad bought me two cases of Ensures, and I was ecstatic to have a large amount on hand to get me through the next few weeks! Thanks so much again, mom and dad! I am slowly getting my energy back. I am still pretty bone-tired by the end of each work day (heck, even by the end of each weekend day!), but the lethargy is setting in later and later as the days pass. I am feeling more like myself and running errands again, which is a good sign.

Another blissful moment this week was when I realized that Clairitin is small enough to fit through the hole where my wisdom teeth were removed. It's funny but that was a great flash of insight. I also caught myself singing along in the car while driving alone on Sunday and had to laugh. My boyfriend has been keeping me in good spirits, and making me laugh at everything as much as I can. I also finished my antibiotics and am not taking my pain medication anymore. It's great to be free from those medication schedules.

My boyfriend and I never miss a UFC fight night, if at all possible. A fight is coming up this Saturday night. For once, I am nervous about going out instead of excited. It is a local bar where I could likely run into a lot of people I know, and I don't know if they know my story. I will most likely not drink, but I might try to have one or two beers through a straw. I have to bite the bullet and get back to a social life soon, and Saturday seems as good a time as any. I am mildly interested to see how that outing goes, and I am guessing I will have a blast once I can get past my hang-ups about sounding strange in public.

That is about all that is happening right now, and for me it is more than enough!

I miss food, so so much!

2010-08-21T18:58:00.000-07:00

The hardest part to me by far is how much I miss food. Eating is a social thing for most cultures, a fact to which I have become keenly aware over the past week. Our culture is no exception. People will try to tiptoe around eating or mentioning food in your presence - if you are a good friend, you won't let them. Just because you can't eat doesn't mean others should not be able to!

You are essentially on a liquid diet. Some people eat through a syringe and tube system, and I am lucky enough to be able to eat through straws. I have seen on YouTube and read blogs of advice where people blend regular foods into nasty shakes while wired shut. I am not adventurous enough to do this. I am a picky eater, through and through. To make things worse, I have temperature-sensitive teeth, so smoothies and shakes are not as straightforward as they sound. Eating anything is a lot of effort. I am naturally thin, and I was training for a half-marathon before I broke my jaw. I have had to cut out running and kickboxing as I recover. Simply put, I do not have the energy nor can I consume enough calories to sustain these activities right now. I may incorporate walking into my routine once I stop feeling so tired every day, but in general I know I have to take things easy for the next few weeks. I will resume running after the wires are off can I can eat normal foods again, but as it stands I worry about becoming unhealthy-thin right now.

My boyfriend asked the nurse during my surgery if I can drink alcohol; she said absolutely not, at least while I am on my pain killers and antibiotics. She also said "she probably won't feel like it." I am sure I will want to go out and have a beer at some point over the next several weeks, it's part of my social life. If I do, I will write another blog about how well that goes. I would not drink a lot while wired anyway, if only to avoid feeling nauseous while I can't open my mouth. It is something to always be aware of, unfortunately.

Below is a list of foods that I recommend right now, as well as a list of foods that I'm calling failures. I'll update it as the month continues and I learn about new things.

Food Recommendations:
-Chocolate Peanut Butter Shakes - I mix about a tablespoon of peanut butter, a cup of chocolate ice cream and a cup of milk. This is the richest food I have found, and I feel stuffed after eating this! It is delicious as well.
-Scrambled Cheese Eggs with Milk - Scramble two eggs with a sprinkle of shredded cheese, salt and pepper. Blend the eggs with 1/2 cup of milk. Eat this one at home, it can be a little messy, and have your water pik handy!
-Baked Potato - Use a small one - blend the insides (skin is too messy), with half to a whole cup milk, sour cream and butter. It is thick, but a nice flavor for when you crave something savory.
-Ramen Noodles - I'm usually not a fan, but cook the noodles (slightly overcooking helps), then blend them. They are actually pretty tasty and satisfying.
-McDonalds Smoothies - Delicious and filling! Surprisingly easy to drink through a straw, they are not as thick as homemade ones.
-Ensures - Lots of them. They pack 250 calories a pop, and the chocolate and vanilla ones are both tasty. I like the vanilla ones the best by far!
-Protein powder - "Pure Protein" has a vanilla cream flavor that smells like sugar cookies. It is good in fruit smoothies and adds calories to your daily intake.
-Chocolate milk - Very non-messy and filling when you are hungry. This helps me to feel full when I am at work. Adding a 1/2 scoop of protein powder gives you 1/4 of your daily protein.
-Oatmeal - I was so happy to find tonight that I can eat oatmeal. It has to be made with twice as much milk as you would usually use, heated so the oats fluff up, and then blended into a full liquid. It is not too messy once blended and nicely filling. It is a nice flavor change too, from all of the chocolate drinks I have to eat.
-Melted ice cream - I don't do this often, but ice cream (solid chocolate, vanilla or some other flavor) is good when you need a fix. Let it melt so it will get through a straw more easily.
-Smoothies - I have a hard time with these, but they are necessary. They taste great, especially with protein powder added, but if your teeth are sensitive like mine they may need to almost melt before you can eat them. It takes me several hours to be able to eat a whole one.
-Campbell's Soup at Hands - strain them so you can just eat the broth. I was able to crumble up a cracker in mine and still eat it with minimal trouble.
-Salmorejo - this is a Spanish cold-tomato soup, which is delicious in normal circumstances served on toasted breads. It is smooth enough to drink, unstrained, through a straw. Recipes are easy to find if you search for them online. It is basically a blend of tomatoes or tomato puree, olive oil, soggy bread, garlic, salt and (optionally) a hard-boiled egg. The result is delicious! Thank you so much to my friend Melissa for turning me on to this dish years ago!
-Wendy's Frosties - Cliche' but true, the chocolate ones remind me of Three Musketeers when they melt a little.

Food Failures:
-Loaded potato soup - (eww way to chunky!)
-Spaghettios - blended into a liquid.while I think they're good not blended, way too chunky and disgusting blended into a homogeneous "drink!"
-Egg drop soup - the eggs don't work so well - I think it might work once the eggs are strained, but I haven't had the time to test my theory yet.

The oral surgeon warned me about drinking enough water - I adamantly used to drink 8 glasses of water a day and now I find myself forgetting. Keep reminding yourself to stay on top of that so you don't get dehydrated. It is important. Some of that hydration may come from milk and fruit juice drinks, but don't forget about water!

I find that smoothies and soups are fine to eat at home, once you find the ones that work for you. For me at work, however, I'm going to just stock up on Ensures, milk and Capri Suns, so that I don't eat messy things in the office. Eating is very messy if you're venturing beyond drinks, so be cautious while out in public. It's a good thing to keep in mind.

More to come on this, as it is the biggest adjustment that I am having to make. I'll keep you posted!

Tools of the trade, i.e., things you can't live without

2010-08-21T18:34:00.000-07:00

It's been four days of being wired shut, but here are the things that I have found essential to getting by - I highly advise stocking up on these things should you find yourself in a similar situation!

- A Water Pik. I bought one two days after surgery after a failed attempt at eating egg drop soup. Yes, the surgeon's office advised against it (they can hurt your gums), but I simply don't care. It is an essential in my opinion.

-Good mouthwash. You can't brush the inside of your teeth, or your tongue. A mouthwash that helps you feel clean is essential, as much to your colleages and loved ones as it is to your own hygiene and sanity.

-A kids' toothbrush. The smaller brush is way easier for cleaning your teeth and the wires than an adult sized one.

-Straws. Lots of them. McDonalds has large straws - keep that in mind, they are easier when trying to "eat" chunkier liquids. You will need tons and tons of straws since you are basically on a liquid diet.

-Ensures. Suprisingly, they are a tasty way to get enough calories each day!

-Protein powder. It's good in milk and smoothies.

-Blender

-Liquid medication syringe. My pharmacy forgot to give me one when we went to pick up my medications, so be sure they include one or two! I have one at home and one at work.

-Wire cutters. Keep them with you at all times. This is in case of an emergency when you may get nauseous. Any good surgeon will be sure to tell you this, but just in case they forget....

-Ice or an ice pack. It helps to reduce swelling.

-Childrens' Motrin - for any pain or inflamation that you may need to get rid of.

-Aquaphor. Imagine how often you lick your lips when they feel dry. Now, imagine not being able to do that. Aquaphor is a staple for me right now, I won't leave home without it!

That is all that I can think of for now, but I'll update the list as any new things become essential this month!

Take care!

The surgery itself, and what to expect

2010-08-21T18:19:00.000-07:00

I just want to start by saying - I have not been so afraid of anything, since I was a child, as I was of the idea of physically wiring my jaws shut. It is a terrifying thought. Yes, I did cry that evening. Yes, I was freaked out. I am glad that the surgeon scheduled me for the procedure first thing the following morning, because I would have likely backed out of it had I had more time to stew over the idea.

I texted my friends, called my family, and my boyfriend's family. All of you who know me and talked to me or texted that evening - you are lifesavers. You kept me from being a chicken and backing out altogether. My boss is amazing also, who let me leave work early the day before surgery once I shared the news with her. She will always and forever have my gratitude for her unquestioning support of the situation. I can't say enough about my boyfriend that night. He stayed calm, kept me calm, helped me do research on the procedure and made me laugh. Moreover, he took me to the grocery and helped me figure out what kinds of foods to get, and later rubbed my back while I broke down about how scared I felt for the next morning. His reassurance, "it's going to be okay, it's only four weeks," became my mantra going into the surgery.

My mom dropped everything, took the next morning off, and both she and my boyfriend were there with me when I went to the surgeon's office. I don't know what I would have done without them that day.

For those of you going through the surgery, and reading this blog for some idea of what to expect - let me reassure you. Nothing is probably worse than how nervous you may feel. The pain is not bad at all. It is a weird feeling, certainly, but not painful. The swelling from my brake was receding within an hour of waking up from the procedure. Yes, they did put me under anesthesia. I am so glad. I was given liquid painkiller medication and antibiotics. They have to be taken with a syringe, but it is not as bad as I thought it would be. I was not in a lot of pain that day upon waking. I even was able to do some work from home by that afternoon.

The weirdest part of that surgery is how tired I feel now, four days later. I think it is either due to the antibiotics or the anesthesia (or possible a combination of both of those things). I am exhausted most of the time. There has not been a single day that I have not needed a nap by early evening time. I was able to return to work the following day, with no real trouble. I was fortunate enough to be able to work from home on Thursday and Friday of this week, which was great. Talking is not painful, but I saved a lot of energy by staying at home those days to work.

If you're curious about how you will sound when wired shut, just try talking through clenched teeth. It is not painful to talk, but you have to move your lips a lot more to enunciate properly. Strangers may look at you funny when you're out in public, but usually a simple explanation of "sorry, I just had jaw surgery" is enough for them to accept that you sound strange. My co-workers, friends and family all can understand me clearly. I am so glad.

The swelling was not bad at all. I lost all swelling by the end of surgery day. I was fine on Wednesday and Thursday (the two days following surgery), but had a lot of swelling yesterday (Friday) for some reason. I had gone off of my pain medication, which I think has an anti-inflammatory, and am guessing that is to blame. The swelling was drastic, and worried me, but it got better as soon as I resumed the pain medication. The oral surgeon said that childrens' Motrin comes in liquid form, and I plan to switch to that soon to keep swelling down should it become an issue in the future.

Eating is by far the wierdest part of all of this. I will post another blog about nutrition. My surgeon warned me that I will most likely lose abouty 8 - 10 pounds this month while wired. It is just part of it. Eating is a lot of work, and every calorie that you can get counts. It is not a time to think - great I'll lose a ton of weight. That part happens on its own. Be prepared for everyone to joke that you can just live off of milkshakes - you'll get a lot of that! :-)

In a nutshell, it's not nearly as bad as your own fears may be going into the procedure. Just keep an eye on the bigger picture, and what sort of dinner feast you will have once the wires are removed! It helps a lot.

How I got into this mess....

2010-08-21T17:23:00.000-07:00

This all started at the end of July, about three weeks ago. I had to have all four of my wisdom teeth pulled. The lower two were impacted, and the top two were crowding my upper jaw a little too much as well. Being the food lover that I am, I was more than happy when the holes healed and I was able to eat any and all foods again.

On Tuesday, August 10th, I was eating a piece of French bread when my jaw popped, making a sound so loud that I was afraid that people anywhere within earshot could hear the noise. I immediately realized that I was in pain, followed by the realization that chewing became next to impossible and extremely painful. Frustrated and needing to return to work, I gave up on my lunch and grabbed a McFlurry to hold me over for the rest of my work day.

By Thursday, the pain was no better. Eating had proved impossible, and I resigned myself to foods that can be swallowed whole - fried rice, grits, scrambled eggs, popcorn (fine when it dissolves in your mouth), tilapia and oatmeal. This was working fine for me, and I waited for the pain to recede. There was no discomfort when I talked or smiled, only when chewing and wiggling my jaw from left to right. That night, the 12th, I was brushing my teeth and moved my brush the wrong way. My jaw popped again, and the pain was excruciating. I lay in bed, in shock, for several hours before I was able to sleep. My boyfriend had urged me all week to get my jaw checked out and I had resisted because it only hurt when I chewed. That night, I quickly agreed with him that he was on to something, and that something was seriously wrong with me. I was afraid that my jaw had been dislocated, it was such a sharp hurt.

Friday morning, I was in just as much pain. The lower jaw bone on my back left side had swollen overnight to be the size of a half ping pong ball. I made an appointment for that day with my dentist, who kindly took me in on short notice. Her x-ray showed what she believed to be a dry socket, and she diagnosed me with TMJ. She also referred me back to my oral surgeon, the doctor who had removed my wisdom teeth. My oral surgeon called in some antibiotics for the dry sockets and pain medication, as well as made an appointment for me to come see him on Monday afternoon.

The swelling was no better by Monday afternoon. The lower left half of my teeth and gums was also starting to tingle and feel numb by this time. I was still unable to chew, for the most part; anything beyond soggy cereal was off limits. At the oral surgeon's office, they ran the x-ray machine that circles all the way around your head. My surgeon immediately saw the problem - a greenstick fracture near the back of my left, lower jaw.

He explained that I had three options. I could walk away and refuse treatment, which would very likely lead to further bone breaking and would cause the nerve damage causing my numbness to spread to all of my lower jaw and mouth. Basically, this was not a real choice. I could let them perform a surgery to screw a plate in my jaw, which has a 6-8 week recovery time, and is a very invasive surgery. It would also most likely leave a scar on my neck where they have to go in to place the plate. Finally, I could let them "fixate" my jaw for 4 weeks, essentially wiring my jaw shut.

While I was in shock with a million different thoughts floating through my head, ranging from my limited vacation days left at work, the pain factor, how much money will this cost, how could I kiss my boyfriend, sheer vanity concerns and the embarrassment of being wired shut, can I talk, food.....the list goes on and on....I knew what I had to do. We made an appointment for me to come in the following morning (the 17th) for me to be wired shut.

I waited until I was out of the surgeon's office to cry and call my parents and boyfriend. And, so begins my journey into being wired shut.

So how did this really happen, you may still be wondering. In a nutshell, I had a triage of risk factors: a history of my jaw popping out of place, an overbite and a recent wisdom tooth extraction. While there is no single cause, beyond French bread and tooth brushing, this is just one of those things that happens sometimes.